


Just Might Find 16

by helens78, Telesilla



Series: Just Might Find [20]
Category: Equilibrium (2002) RPF
Genre: BDSM, Dom/sub, Kink, M/M, Masochism, Sadism, Sex Toys, The Establishment
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-01-09
Updated: 2006-01-09
Packaged: 2017-10-05 18:26:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,815
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/44722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/helens78/pseuds/helens78, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Telesilla/pseuds/Telesilla
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The date on Sean's divorce is set, and what he needs now is some quiet time with his master.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Just Might Find 16

The fax is waiting for Sean when he goes into the study to check his email. It's from his lawyer, and it's more or less good news. More rather than less, or it's supposed to be, but... _divorce has been filed; it'll be final Dec. 22_ just doesn't make Sean want to grin. He'd rather get drunk, honestly, or fucked blind.

The second's more likely, probably a healthier idea in the long run, so Sean heads downstairs, finds Bill on the couch watching a recorded Mets game, and stretches out on the floor at his feet, nuzzling Bill's ankle as he goes down.

"It's just not the same when it's taped," Bill says, reaching down to take Sean's leash in his hand. He bends even further and gives Sean a quick kiss. "Even if I don't know the outcome, there's no immediacy to it."

"There might be a day game coming up," Sean offers. "Or I could come up with ways to keep you awake." He grins. It's not a grin that lasts, unfortunately; he ends up on the floor again, rubbing his face against the tops of Bill's feet.

"Something wrong, boy?" Bill asks, turning the sound down.

"My lawyer faxed me," Sean murmurs. "My divorce has been filed. It'll be final in six months -- there's a date on it now. 22nd of December. Fuck."

Turning the game off, Bill looks down at Sean. "Wanna talk about it?"

Sean sits up, wrapping his arms around his knees. "It hurts," he says simply. "I never meant for things to turn out the way they did." He sighs, dragging his hands through his hair. "Sometimes I feel fucking guilty for being so glad to be here, and then I think about how he's doing and I hate him for not even taking a breath between leaving me and setting up house with the rest of his lovers. And I hate myself for being bitter."

"Fuck," Bill says, leaning down to rest a hand on the back of Sean's neck, lightly pressing the collar against Sean's skin. "I'd be more worried about you if you _weren't_ bitter."

Sean nods, turning his head so he can rub his collar against Bill's fingers. It's funny how soothing that touch is -- or maybe it's not funny. Maybe it just makes sense. "I'm glad to be here," he says softly. "You're a fantastic master and it makes me happy as hell to serve you. But I have moments sometimes where I think, _this isn't how I wanted my life to turn out_, and I wonder where all that happiness I had with David went."

"I understand what you're saying," Bill says. "And believe me, I don't believe that wondering where things went wrong or regretting that they did means that you don't want to be here or even that you're not happy here."

"Thank you." Sean bends his head down and kisses Bill's knee. "This is about the point where if I were on my own I'd be headed for a bar to get bruised up and fucked. Will I lose all my macho credibility if I ask if we could cuddle for a while instead?"

"I didn't take you on for your macho credibility," Bill says, getting up and tugging a little on the leash. "I took you on because you're good at this and I thought we'd fit well together. So of course I don't mind cuddling."

"Thank you, master," Sean whispers, coming up and curling up at Bill's side. He doesn't know if Bill has any idea how different it is for Sean to ask for this from anyone, let alone his dom. Bill's never acted as if Sean's urge to be held after a scene -- or because he's upset -- or for no reason at all -- is anything to be ashamed of. He's had more vulnerable times in his life, probably, but nowadays he's pretty far down and still feels _safe_. That's more valuable than he can put words to.

Bill wraps his arm around Sean and grabs the remote, turning on the stereo. As the quiet sounds of classical guitar fill the room, he pulls Sean close, kissing Sean's hair. "It's always permissible to ask for this, boy. And, unless there's some reason I absolutely need to be out the door in the next five minutes or so, you'll always get it."

He knows he's different when it comes to this sort of thing than a lot of doms, but Bill's never forgotten how vulnerable being a boy made him feel. He'd determined back during his training to never forget that, which, he knows now, was one of the reasons for the Old Guard style of training.

"Thank you, master," Sean whispers. _God, he feels good._ Bill feels warm, solid -- real. _Maybe I'm not at a point where I could say I wouldn't trade this for anything,_ Sean thinks, _but it'd take a lot more than most people would even try to offer me to pull me away from here._ It's a good thought. It's a positive one, and he likes how all the hurt and occasional, fleeting moments of depression are followed up by more positive thoughts these days. Right now he's feeling a hell of a lot of comfort and a sense that -- regardless of how he might have wanted things to turn out -- he's in a good place, somewhere that's both good for him and where he stands a chance of being good for the man he's with. _And maybe I don't love him,_ he thinks, _but he's never asked me to, and he's never been anything less than honest with me. What I offer here is enough._

While Bill may not understand marriage, he does know more than a little about regrets. It doesn't strike him as odd at all that Sean can feel regret over the past while in a new relationship, and Bill knows that right now, the best thing he can do for Sean is to give him room to work through it. _And my sisters say I'm not sensitive._

The trouble with being a guy and cuddling is that, given enough time, Sean wants more than just the cuddle. He's wrapped up in Bill's arms, but that's more than just comforting; he knows how strong Bill's arms are, what he can do with a flogger or a strap or just his hands. He's pressed up close enough to smell Bill, all the different traces of scent that are uniquely his, along with a tiny hint of sweat, the smell that gets stronger when Bill's fucking him and that Sean sometimes thinks he could live in. By the time he's been curled up with Bill long enough to calm down from the bad news, he's also hard, and he's blushing from it.

"You feel like a boy who wants more," Bill says, sliding his thigh between them a little until he's rubbing it against Sean's cock.

Sean groans, pressing his hips down and rubbing up in return. "Starting to, master," he murmurs.

"What I think my boy needs is a good hard fucking," Bill says, sliding his hand down in order to grip Sean's ass hard.

"Yes, please," Sean whispers, nuzzling Bill's throat and rocking up hard against him. "Please, master."

"Such a greedy bastard," Bill says, sliding his fingers across Sean's hole. "I think I may need a little help to keep up with you." He gives Sean's ass a slap. "Up with you. I want you downstairs in the basement bent over the bench."

"Yes, master!" Sean wriggles off the couch and grins at Bill. "And your slave thinks you do just fine, but then... I'm probably a bit biased, master." He heads off, though, wondering just what Bill's talking about. _Something he can fuck me with?_

"An understandable bias," Bill calls after Sean before he heads upstairs for a couple of toys. Once he has them, he joins Sean in the basement, smiling at the sight of his boy settled on the spanking bench.

Sean glances over his shoulder and wiggles his ass, grinning back at Bill. "Your slut's looking forward to getting fucked, master."

"What's that word you Brits use?" Bill asks, setting the toys from upstairs down before moving to a nearby shelf to grab a bottle of lube. "Cheeky, isn't it?" He gets his fingers slick and sets the lube on the small of Sean's back.

"Maybe just a little, master," Sean murmurs, settling down and keeping still so the lube doesn't roll off.

"Just a little," Bill says with a laugh as he firmly pushes two fingers into Sean.

Sean groans and pushes back. "Oh -- please, master -- please -- feels so good, master," he says, just starting to pant.

"Yeah?" Bill says, sliding a third finger in and twisting hard. "That's my boy, just a greedy hole for me to fuck."

"_Yes_," Sean groans. This is something he's sure of, something that just feels right. No worrying about what was or what might have been. This is who he is now, and he _likes_ it. That's something that's been missing for a while. He's sure about his place and what he means to the man he's with, and he likes where he's ended up. "_Christ_, feels so good, master."

"It's just going to get better," Bill says, pulling out as he bends over to lube up the first toy, a fairly normally sized silicon dildo. "And it's going to go on for a long time," he adds, pressing the toy into Sean slowly.

As if Bill isn't patient enough when it's his cock, Sean can't help thinking. "Thank you, master," Sean mumbles, bracing himself against the bench a little better and exhaling slowly. He's got a feeling he'll be aching to come in no time.

"I hope you didn't think this was going to be easy," Bill says with a chuckle as he sets up a good, even pace with the dildo.

"Glad it's not easy, master," Sean pants, "thank you, master, God, that's good."

"It is good," Bill murmurs, enjoying the way he can just watch Sean react without his own need getting in the way. He goes quiet, working on keeping the pace as even as he can. Knowing Sean, this won't be enough.

It isn't enough, but for a boy as greedy as Sean, what would be? He pushes back, tries to get the strokes to go deeper, but he knows it won't be enough even if he does manage to move. "Master, please... please, God, dying for it, master, please, oh God, may your slave have more?"

"If I give you more," Bill says, "you still won't be allowed to come."

"Oh God... oh, Christ, yes, Master, I understand," Sean groans. He clenches hard around the dildo the next time it goes in. "Please, master, want it _so_ much, _please_!"

"Slut," Bill says affectionately, pulling the dildo out. He unzips his jeans, quickly rolling a condom over his cock. "I've got more for you, boy," he adds as he pushes steadily into Sean.

"Thankyou_thankyou_," Sean gasps, "master, oh, fuck, master, thank you, oh Christ, love your cock, love it when you fuck me, _thank you, Master_!"

"Fuck, you're such a whore for cock," Bill growls, fucking Sean with hard, steady thrusts, his hands tight on Sean's hips.

"Yes, fuck, greedy fucking whore for you, master," and oh _fuck_ he's closer now than he expected to be, the weight and feel of Bill's cock so fucking different than the feel of hard silicone in him. This is so much better -- _so_ much better, God, there's really no comparison. "Feel so good -- being -- taken -- used -- fucked like this, master, just for you, just _yours_, fucking love being used, master!"

Although Bill's been intending to line up a gangbang for Sean, the way Sean is reacting right now, turns his vague intention into a serious determination. "My greedy whore," Bill growls, pushing into Sean hard. "Mine to use ... mine to fuck!"

"Yours, yours, yours," Sean pants, finally giving up on pushing back into the strokes and going still, just letting Bill use him. "God, yes, master, _so fucking good_."

"Good boy," Bill says, panting a little as he fucks Sean even harder. "Be still ... just a hole for me ... to fuck."

Pushed past a point where he can speak, Sean just groans, eyes falling closed as he holds still and absorbs Bill's words and his thrusts and his motions. It's so good being here. It's _so fucking good_.

That it's fucking good is something Bill would agree with; Sean's hot and tight around his cock and his submission, his sheer willingness to be used like this, is so amazing that just thinking about it is enough to push Bill over the edge. He digs his fingers into Sean's hips, slamming into him one more time before coming.

Sean has to bite down hard on his lower lip at that; the jerk and pulse of Bill's cock and the way his hands tighten makes it obvious he's coming, and dear God but Sean wants to go with him. But he hasn't been told to, and he can hold back -- barely, but he can hold back -- until he's got the order. Which could be now or later or next week, and he'll be as grateful for being made to hold back as he will be for the orgasm.

"Good boy," Bill pants once he's gotten a little of his breath back. He slaps Sean's ass as he pulls out, and then slaps it again just because he likes the look of the red hand print against Sean's pale skin.

It's the slaps at the end that almost totally undo Sean. He collapses into the bench, panting as he rubs his face against the leather, and groans again. _I love being here,_ he thinks, _and who gives a fuck how I got here? This is good._

"Want something, boy?" Bill asks as he bends down to pick up the other toy he brought in, a large, clear acrylic dildo shaped vaguely like nightstick. "A mutual friend told me about this one," he says as he lubes it up.

There's being collapsed and then there's being curious. Sean glances over his shoulder, and his eyes widen. "Fuck, master," he groans, "oh, God, that looks good... please, master -- please?"

"Yeah?" Bill growls. "Too bad the lady who recommended it isn't here to see you begging for it like the whore you are." He almost says more, before remembering that a domme was one of the breaking points in Sean and Pierce's relationship.

Sean's grin goes wide and he nods, wiggling his ass again. "Yes, master -- _fuck_, yes, whore for you, master, please... please fuck me with it, master."

"That's a good boy," Bill says, pushing the toy into Sean very slowly. "That's my good slut."

The unyielding rigidity of the nightstick is almost overwhelming after having the silicone dildo and then Bill's cock. It also feels colder than either, and much more slippery. And it's _long_. _Maybe if I beg enough I'll get to feel just how long._ "Please, master, please, your slut's begging for more, master, _please_."

"Such a fucking whore," Bill says, pushing more of the toy into Sean. "Just a hungry hole wanting to be stuffed and you don't even fucking care what I stuff up there, do you?"

Sean blushes crimson at that. "Would take anything for you, master," he mumbles, clenching up hard around the toy and then relaxing again. "Anything master wants his boy to take."

"We'll see," Bill says, getting the dildo buried deep in Sean's ass. "Tell me how you want it, boy."

"Want it -- _so_ much -- master," Sean pants. The dildo's so deep now he can practically feel it in the back of his throat, and he finds himself clenching around it involuntarily with every few breaths. "Please, love it when you're fucking me, love being a slut for you, want you to use me any way it pleases you, _please_, master. Oh, fuck, please, your slut's so fucking hungry for it. Please, master, just fuck your slave hard. Please!"

Leaning over enough to put his other hand on Sean's back, Bill ignores the lube bottle as it tumbles to the floor. "Gonna fuck you so hard, boy," he growls as he begins to fuck Sean. In spite of his words, he goes fairly easy for the first few strokes, but he soon finds a good hard pace and sticks to it. "Should try you on one of those machines they have down at the club," he says, almost conversationally.

Sean almost loses it at that idea -- the fucking machines he's seen just tend to look so ridiculous. But he knows he'd do it, and he has a feeling that after enough time he wouldn't find it ridiculous at all. He groans and digs his hands into the leather, holding tight as Bill keeps going. It always feels like he's getting it harder when the thing he's being fucked with is that rigid; he's going to be sore as hell tomorrow. Hell, he'll be sore _tonight_.

_I wonder if he went silent because it's a turn on or a turn off?_ Bill puts the thought aside for later discussion. He doesn't feel strongly about it one way or another, if he wants his boy fucked raw, he can always find plenty of eager cocks attached to real people. Right now, he's fairly sure that what Sean wants is to lose himself in the moment, and Bill's more than willing to give his boy that.

Losing himself in the moment has been so easy with Bill. Everything else drops away when Bill's hurting him or fucking him, and now Sean's getting more than he ever anticipated, feeling certain that Bill's not going to stop until he damn well feels like it. "Christ, thank you, master, thank you so much..."

"I'll give you as much as you need," Bill says, fucking Sean just a little bit harder with the dildo. "Give you as much as you can take and then give you more. Want to push you hard, boy." That's one of the best things about Sean as far Bill is concerned; he seems to need to be pushed, seems to want it as much as Bill wants to push.

"Yes, oh _fuck_, master, master, _please_," Sean begs; he's so close now, and hearing Bill promise him all this and more is getting him closer with every word. "Master, please, so close, so fucking close, master, please, may I come for you, master?"

"Not yet," Bill says, with a tight grin. "You're nowhere near hungry enough. I want you aching for it, want you so fucking desperate for it...."

"Oh, fuck, please, master, your slut's desperate, he promises, I promise, master, oh Christ, that feels so fucking good and I'm going to be so sore for you, oh _God_," Sean begs, whimpering by the time he's through. _How desperate do you want me?_ he wonders.

_Oh no, you're far too articulate to be really desperate,_ Bill thinks, continuing to fuck Sean. _Damn glad that I work out, though, because otherwise my arm'd be killing me just about now._

"Not yet, boy," he says. "No yet."

"Master, _please_!" Sean shouts, but it doesn't do any good; Bill's pace is just as fast, hard, and steady as ever, and it's getting near the tipping point of going from being incredible, feeling good in all the right ways, to hurting like hell and proving that Sean's not the one who decides when it's enough. And that moment's always such a good one. Sean pants hard, going quiet again, holding on and sinking himself into the pain, into how good it feels being Bill's boy and getting used this way.

Sean's shout surprises Bill, but he doesn't let it affect his rhythm. He knows that Sean's getting there and he wonders what he's looking for this time. _Do I want him to just surrender? Or do I want him crying?_ Bill's not sure what Sean wanted out of this scene and, contrary to any "I'm the master and we do what I want" rhetoric, Bill knows that this particular scene is all about giving Sean what he needs.

Sean lets out several ragged breaths before he starts trying to beg again. Only this time the words cut off as groans before they're out completely. "I -- _nnn_ \-- m-master--" A few more groans, and Sean tilts his head back, moans getting louder and louder. "_Please._"

"Not. Yet." While it's almost impossible to gauge Sean's level of desperation, Bill thinks he can push a little further. Yes, it could backfire on him if Sean's not capable of holding back, but Bill's willing to bet that Sean can do it.

The first sob breaks out of Sean completely unexpected; he doesn't even realize it's happened until it's followed by another, and another after that. And he doesn't know if he's crying from the sheer emotional release or out of how desperate and how close he is, but really, it doesn't matter. It's not a bad feeling, not even a scary one; it's just what the scene's brought him to, and now that he's in it, it feels like something he needed all along.

"That's my boy," Bill murmurs, almost too quietly for Sean to hear. "Come for me," he adds, his voice stronger. "Now, boy."

The sound Sean lets out was meant to be _master_, but the word doesn't take form. Instead it's a loud, throaty moan, one that falters with every jerk and pulse of his cock and finally fades off into a rasped breath as Sean collapses completely.

"Good boy," Bill says as he eases the dildo out of Sean. He puts it aside and immediately moves to kneel in front of the bench so he's face to face with Sean. "Such a good boy for me," he murmurs, brushing a hand across Sean's damp cheek. "So proud of you."

Sean nuzzles Bill's fingers, nodding softly; he can't speak yet, but it feels so good to be touched he can't help starting to smile.

"Come off the bench when you're ready," Bill says, leaning in to rub his cheek lightly against Sean's. "Take as much time as you need."

Nodding more, Sean exhales and nuzzles back. "Master," he murmurs. "Just so glad to be here."

"I'm glad you're here, too, Sean," Bill says, reaching back to cup the back of Sean's neck. "I truly am."

Sean nods, and in a few more minutes he's able to lever himself partway up. "Thank you," he murmurs. "Bed now? For a while, at least? Please, master."

"Can you make it up the stairs?" Bill asks. "Or would you rather we go into your room? The bed's smaller, but it's a lot closer."

"Bed here," Sean says softly, "please, master." Making it up the stairs would be a possibility, but he'd rather stay as close to where he is as he can.

It's easy enough to get them both into Sean's small room. Bill only lets go of Sean long enough to get his own clothes off and then he's taking the leash in hand as he settles on the bed. "You're fucking amazing," he murmurs, pulling Sean close.

Sean chuckles at that as he curls up with Bill. "I'm glad you think so, master," he murmurs. "You're damned good yourself. I like the way we fit."

"So do I," Bill says, glad Sean put it that way. "Did you go as far as you needed to, back there?" he asks after nuzzling Sean yet again.

"Yes, master," Sean whispers. He settles back, thinking it over. "It felt good -- feels good -- knowing I can be what you need me to be. What you want. I've never had to worry about that with you. Right at the moment, that's about the best feeling I can imagine having."

"I understand," Bill says. And he does, although he can't help wonder how long Sean will want this. Bill's never been one for repeat contracts, but he thinks that's a rule he can bend a little, as three months doesn't strike him as a long term contract. He's a little surprised at how much he's hoping Sean's still interested when they hit the end. _We fit,_ he thinks, remembering what Sean said. _Quite well, really._

"If there's anything else you need during this whole divorce mess, you let me know," he says, playing with Sean's collar. "I can even arrange for a boy for you to beat if you need that sort of tension release."

"Thank you, master," Sean murmurs. He turns his head a little so he can rub his collar up against Bill's fingers. It's an interesting offer; probably not one Sean would have thought about on his own, but he likes the idea of getting to perform like that for Bill. "If that's ever something you'd like to see -- tension release or no, I'd be happy to do it for you."

"I think I would like to see that," Bill says with a slow smile. "I like bending your strength, pushing you. And this would just be another way to do it."

That smile would be enough to get Sean hard if he hadn't just been fucked silly. "I like the way you push me, master," he murmurs. "I like finding out I can go further than I thought for you."

"I was thinking about pushing you physically again," Bill says, his fingers playing idly with Sean's collar. "You ever had chain used on you? Chainmail floggers or even just a length of chain?"

"Mmmm," Sean says, tucking his head in and nuzzling at Bill's neck. "Both. Love them."

"I'd love to beat you bloody," Bill says, his voice matter-of-fact even as his fingers tighten on the back of Sean's neck. "But I don't want to make trouble for you. I'd hate to have some director pissed off at me because I marked you permanently."

Sean groans. "I can handle that part of it, master," he murmurs. "I've got a few marks already, if it happens."

"I know you do," Bill says. "I've never asked about the one tattoo." He chuckles a little to lighten the atmosphere, bending to brush his lips across the Blades tattoo. "Everyone in the world seems to know about the other two."

Sean winces at the mention of the other tattoo. "I've been thinking of having it removed," he says softly. "It's got too much baggage for me to want to carry it around for the rest of my life."

"Viggo?" Bill guesses. The mark doesn't seem to be the kind of thing David would want anyone to wear. "If you'd rather we dropped this...." he adds, not wanting to push it.

"No, no, it's all right," Sean says, and he means it; the memories don't sting the way they might have once. "It is for Viggo, yeah. The ink wasn't even healed completely before the marriage was over, and it was a design I'd never have gotten myself and that I always felt was faintly ridiculous." It's more than that, though; it's that Sean remembers how in love he was, how he would have done anything for Viggo, and how foolish that makes him feel sometimes in retrospect. How he still doesn't understand how Viggo could have followed their marriage with months of seeing Pierce and lying about it, and how he wonders if Viggo even remembers loving him. "And then David named it. The gecko. And so it wasn't as much a stamp of Viggo on my skin as it was David's and my little secret, one of those silly things couples do... and now if I glimpse it I remember both of them. And I don't need them stamped into my skin for the rest of my life to remember them. It makes me feel stupid. Like I should have known better than to pretend anything in life is that certain."

"That makes perfect sense," Bill says. "If you decide you want it removed, I'll be glad to help in any way I can." He pulls Sean close and smiles a little. "And if you don't mind having a reminder or two of this contract, I'll beat the hell out of you. It's a little different than a tattoo."

"It's _entirely_ different," Sean agrees, squirming up against Bill and licking his neck gently. "I like the idea of -- of you not holding back," he says softly. "Something deliberate, I don't know if I'd be ready to do just yet. But if I come away with scars because that's how far you want to push me? It'd remind me of getting pushed that hard. And I'd want memories like that in my skin."

_-end-_


End file.
